An Open Letter to Parents Who Use the Term “Special Needs”
Photo by Kelly Dawson
I’ve always loved advice columns. I remember reading the Dear Abby series in the local paper after my mom was finished, re-reading American Girl how-to books from cover to cover, and getting (questionable) tips from magazines as a teen. Advice is part of life. We all seek it out, whether we look for it in print or ask for it from friends and family. It’s nice to have a problem that feels solvable after reading or listening to words of experience.
A few years ago, I began writing about my experiences as a disabled woman. I’ve written about what it’s like to walk down the street, make friends, pay for things, and consider motherhood. I’ve discussed the ins-and-outs of traveling in the past and what my future adventures hold. I’ve also chatted about my disability on the popular podcast Call Your Girlfriend. Once I became more open about this part of my life, something I didn’t expect happened: I was asked to give advice. Non-disabled parents of disabled kids started emailing me regularly with questions, wondering if they’re doing the right things. “How did you feel after such-and-such happened?” they would say, pointing to school accommodations or remarks on the playground or medical recommendations. I would do my best to reply to them, mentioning that I have a physical disability and can only truly speak to that perspective. Some parents would say thank you and disappear, others would check in every now and then, and one became a good friend.
